I am reticent to go into depth about the entirety of this trip because it was mostly lascivious. However these experiences, as my sister told me tonight, provide me with richness. I say this perhaps ironically, considering much of my money was spent. It's just money, right?
I am an erratic individual. That may be difficult for some people to grasp, but it is certainly the truth. I do not sleep ever. And lately my life has been attacking me at seven thousand different directions.
I spent five days in Toronto. Enlivening, to say the least. Culturally stimulating, exhausting, lascivious and long-lasting. Each night I was out living and never resting. Now my sleep schedule is completely demolished but I will get back on track in a couple days.
I will write a blog post fully detailing my trip but it will be private. Anyone truly interested in everything that I witnessed you may contact me individually and I would be glad to share.
What I am willing to share is my excitement for major professional developments! I just need to keep working, you know? And cool things are popping up! As they become official I will be glad to post.
I received a wonderful e-mail from soprano Sarah Beckham the other day. She is a killer lady and she's really moving and shaking things around. Germany. I would move there too! In fact I would move anywhere. As Lars put it, "mein neuer Abschnitt" or "my new chapter." I am seeing more, different beautiful people come into my life as many people are choosing not to participate anymore. And I obviously feel mixed about that. The people I met in Toronto have so much to offer intellectually and spiritually though. And they also really challenged me to step up my game and be a holistically beautiful person too. I've rediscovered a bond with my sister that has been tempered a bit due to moving around. My new friends are global. 2011 is the year to go global. Find forgiveness, acceptance...and go global.
I don't want to just be a singer. I never wanted to just be a singer. My family is comprised of healers. I want to be an American ambassador of music- in any way possible. People so concerned about their own selves will walk away from you at any given moment. Those who want to be in cliques of musicians will toss you if you do not fit the mold. David Britton taught me that music has a much higher, more lofty purpose than just mere entertainment, political gain, or self-absorption. Perhaps I have not been following Sinfonia as purely and devoutly as I have in the past. Still
2010 was the best year of my life.
The party is over and the plan is set. Despite some who doubt, people do change. And people can improve. And people do not have to live up to the reputation that they do. The back half of 2010 was not as strong as the front. I have taken steps to make sure that doesn't continue.
I met the most incredible woman in Toronto. Her name was Candace. She came with me to an open mic and we jammed to "Wonderwall" by Oasis. She fled to Mexico to find herself and to discover her inner wanderlust. No idea where she was staying...other than she knew she'd eventually make it down to Central America for four months. She told me that when she came back to Canada she would find me and we would reconnect. Listening to her talk gave me such a strange, euphoric feeling of displacement. I was watching my heart in the form of a five foot tall Vancouver blonde. I felt less envious and more empathetic. No matter what happens to her- she will live it, or lived it. Is that not what it's all about?
In fact nearly everyone I met in Toronto were runners, just like me. The girl running from her existence in Southern France; the German establishing his new life after watching his brother battle Leukemia; the Louisiana gentleman fleeing from American economics; the German discovering herself in South America; the guys from Toronto who stayed in the hostel just to get out of their own house...everyone I talked to in the hostel were not just tourists. They were trying to find out more about themselves by running. Aimlessly but not without direction. Or vision. Most people I went to school with or watch me battle with my wanderlust or my perpetual lack of contentment will never accept me. Or scoff. But in Toronto I was not just a crazy vagabond. I was one of them. Accepted for who I am. They all were ambassadors of their own cultures.
Thank you- those who stuck around. For those who didn't, I hope you find your inner Candace.
For auld lang sine... let 2011 be the year that we all prove cynics wrong.
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